Just Thinking

To all those who think that I’m not the same person than I was only a few years ago, you are right. And I thank you for noticing. Katie and I are working very hard to build a home for ourselves that our children will be able to grow and thrive in. Most of all, we want them to feel safe in it. We want it to be a refuge from the world and all the ugliness that is out there. We don’t want to shelter our kids, but we instead we want to give them an example of what they can have if they work for it. This, by the way, has nothing to do with belongings. Frankly, we’ll probably never be able to afford to buy a new xbox, Nintendo, PSP, cell phone, car…. every time a new one comes out - we try to be responsible with our finances. On the contrary, we feel that happiness comes independent of having the latest… anything. I think that my family benefits far more when we can spend an hour at the park together than even three hours in the same room rotting in front of the TV.
I digress.
My point is this. Katie and I are in fact trying not to be the same people that we’ve always been. We believe that we can be better. We are constantly looking for ways to not only love one another, but to actually enjoy one another too. This sounds elementary, but it's kind of a new concept for me and can be a serious struggle. It really takes a lot of work. The hardest part is when you see others involved in mediocre relationships, for whatever reasons, and they seem to have given up the hope of changing for the better.
I had a friend in School that was a very good friend. We did just about everything together. We did so much together that it actually stopped me from doing other things with other people. Often was the case that my friend didn’t like those other people or those other people didn’t like my friend. I eventually realized that my “friend” was like this gigantic black hole in my life, slowly sucking me to their level of darkness. Maybe you never had one of those “friends” but we have all probably observed it at one time or another. The moral is that a true friend would/should want you to be the best you that you can be, not just the one that they’ve always known. When anyone begrudges you for wanting to reach new heights and be better people, they are surely not a true friend. I believe, for right or for wrong, that when ever this happens, you need to step beck at least a little bit from the person or persons that are fighting your attempts to better yourself. This can be so hard because you most likely feel an obligation to help your friend. In addition to the fact that your friend almost certainly is living in some state of denial with regards to their condition, they will certainly see your stepping back as a painful slap in the face of your relationship. They will also probably try to manipulate you with the blame of ruining the relationship. There is nothing that is easy about this situation at all. I think that I am a better person when I surround myself with people that actually cheer me on and wish me well. It is a dangerous place when you are surrounded with “friends” that want nothing more than the way that it always was. I want better. MY family deserves better. I have to safeguard them and keep them from the dangers of being torn down instead of built up. I have to teach them by example that they should never be in any relationship where good enough is good enough. It’s never true.
If you’ve read this letter in its entirety, you have made the list of good friends. Thanks for sitting through my brain vomit. Hope you enjoyed.