I am apparently more of an “all or nothing” kinda guy than I ever knew. You all wanted to hear more about my work, so now I can’t stop thinking about what I can post about work. I’ll share one more work story for now. Then I need to get back to cute pictures of Marin. I’ll try to diversify my postings from now on. Mix it up a bit.
So as you may assume from my previous post that there is not much about my job that really gets to me. For the most part, I have the worst behind me and now I’m moving forward. (At least I feel better believing this.) Truth be told, there is one thing about my job that I really despise.
It is the untimely death of an infant or child. Nothing tares me up inside more than this. Some days it’s all I can do not to bust into tears myself when I sit in a room with some, almost was, parents and try to help them in any way possible. Knowing that there is not a thing on earth that I can do but watch them suffer. I cannot help but imagine myself in their shoes and it will instantly break my hart. Today I helped a Dad say good bye to what would have been his first child. His first son. Mom was still in the hospital bed recovering while Dad was doing his best to take care of business. Turns out that Nate had only two more weeks to go till full term. For all intents and purposes, he appeared to be in perfect health and development. “Just a fluke thing” said the Grandma. Not “just a” anything says me. The amount of raw emotion and feelings could not possibly be summated into a “just a” phrase. I look into the eyes of this parent or any parent that loses a child and I learn one thing, THIS IS PAIN. I am so sorry.
Its days like this that I am so happy to know what I do. That families can be together forever. On top of that I’m comforted to know that innocent children are just that… innocent.
So do with this what you will. You may file it away into the deepest nether regions of your mind and only think of it when forced to for some reason, but I think that the truth of the matter is that we should all at least think of things like this from time to time. It reminds us all to feel. And not just for ourselves. I’m sorry to have been the blogger buzz kill.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Okay its pretty hard to respond as I wipe the streaming tears from my eyes. Thanks to the Priesthood I was aware that my twins would be healthy and strong and that they would flourish in this world, so I never gave the "what if's" a second thought until now. Having suffered a miscarriage @ 11 weeks last year. I was surprised at the amount of loss which I felt. I guess because I already had three children. I cannot nor do I want to brave the thoughts of those who must deal with the death of children further into a pregnancy or life. I know for me the longer a child is with me, whether in the womb or outside, the love grows with each breath I take. Your story about Nate and thinking about delivering my 29 week old twins, I am so grateful for the miracle of children which make it here and fight for life regardless of the physical experience. It is the greatest gift to be a parent and because of the forever family which we have testimony of it is my hope that if it is ever my call in life to carry the burden of burring a child, that it may be a bit lighter due to that knowledge. I love you Daniel! Thanks for the opportunity to be more grateful for my family today...you included!
i completely agree about suicide daniel. but had a question regarding the small children's deaths. do you think that this is harder for you to take now that you're a dad, or was it hard even before marin was ever thought of?
Erin, good question. Hard answer. It is a lot harder now. But, when I was not a Dad, it was as hard as I understood that it could be. The difference is that I simply could not have comprehended the new level. Similar to what they say about having a child and instantly loving it more than you ever knew was possible. It’s just some incomprehensible degree that I could not have known before having experienced it first hand. Either way, it still breaks my hart the same that it ever has. I just feel it more personally and acutely. I hope that this makes sence.
Can I now change my format to look just like yours?...lol- looks good
I had a very good friend commit suicide in high school. I must admit what with all the feelings I could feel I was surprised that I felt SO ANGRY at his selfishness. -And sad for his alone feelings at that time. How could he do that? What was he thinking? How could he do that to us? -to me? When other's mourned for Kurt Cobain I felt very much the same way.
The death of a child. I bawl everytime this subject comes up. I find myself crying now. Even in a TV show. I can't help it. It pains me so much to think of anything happening to my little girl or my future children. I hope I never have to experience what some have to and my heart truely aches for them.
-Libby Phair
it does make sense, thanks daniel.
Daniel - Again I see your depth and compasion. I'm sorry to see your pain, but I'm so proud to know that you have a valid perspective of life and death. ~ Love, Dad
Post a Comment